You’ve got mail!

This Sunday night, D and I stumbled upon the movie ‘You’ve got mail!’ being shown on one of the movie channels. It was but natural to stay up and finish watching the movie. We started viewing it because my usual love for such rom-coms and well I also adore Meg Ryan in this character.

The primary characters in this movie begin their relationship over emails and form a bond that is far stronger than any of their real relationships. To put it in Meg’s words

” The odd thing about this form of communication is that you’re more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”

This is incidentally how S & I met for the first time and started communicating virtually. As we are at the brink of completing the 7th year of this milestone before we moved to non-virtual means of communication, it was a moment of truth for me. It is probably in my own way to re-live those initial days of anticipation – waiting for an email or a possible future together that continues to draw me to this movie.

7 years later, very little has changed and some things are better left that way. To findings and some memorable beginnings….

Over the rainbow

Love you sweetheart.


Half a decade ago….

The story started with an innocent, dull and very civil email.

It was the very first time this day that I had made my first contact with a man who, if things worked out, could be my future husband. As destiny would have it, he responded to my email in a manner that made me very happy. It was a long, flawlessly written email and my first reaction to it was – “He knows English!” Yes, as biased it may sound, I needed my partner to communicate in English as fluently I could and this was non-negotiable.

To add to that list, I had a lot of other things too. But now that I think about how our 15 day email exchange moved to telephone calls and eventually at the end of three weeks we both happened I to say a “Yes” to each other, I honestly did not check a number of things. In this case, I just let my heart decide and by God’s grace it worked!

One of hubs’ close friend had once asked me about what was it that you wanted in a guy and how did hubs qualify 🙂 It was the first time I actually had said this to someone outside, but my answer was simple – “He had surpassed all that I wanted in a guy. There was really nothing else I wanted in my partner.”

I suppose it was the same conviction that led me to enjoy our courtship and later our wedding day and which continues to work in our marriage too. It is so tough to keep a relationship going strong for years and years. We have had our ups and downs and been mad with each other. But all in all, I couldn’t have asked for someone else who takes care of me, respects my family, friends and my interests and adores our daughter (I know I need not mention the last one), but I honestly couldn’t have managed taking care of our daughter without hubs.

So here is a big hug and loads of kissies for the romantic month of March that will be for us.

Girl Friends

In this increasing busy and uncertain life which seems to run faster than we can cope it is good to know that you can rely on some very few things and people who are always there for (in spite of being spread across the world and divided by hemispheres).

I am talking about my other support system which is equally and sometimes even has been more important than my family. It is increasingly becoming necessary to have another piece/pieces of you with whom you can share your joys and sorrows unabashedly. They are my girl friends.

As a part of my support system apart from mom and sis, I have roughly more than a dozen chosen pieces of me: the women who are there for ‘me’. I call them ‘pieces of me’ because they reflect a lot of my thoughts and actions which make me what I am and have their unique characteristics which make them so great. They understand the reason behind my cribs, my frustrations, we deal with men and their idiosyncrasies, babies and tantrums and even much before that marriage required or not kinda questions. So the range of off-loading varies from a one of day’s blues – bad day at work -bad fight with someone – life threatening crisis, etc. to the many joyous achievements and occasions life puts in.

In order to function sanely, I feel this support is absolutely required and a must. This post is dedicated to all those women without whom life would never be the same as it is right now.

Thanks for being there!

Trust – Series 1

Trust is an interesting concept. You tend to apply it in every sphere – relationships, business, career and so on. There are times when we do not even think about its relevance and apply it unknowingly.

Let us look at relationships. If I do not trust the concept of love, then the chances of falling in love, in spite of all the pitfalls that love offers, would be as good as zilch. And what would really be life without the love of that special person? I realize from personal experience that it means a tremendous lot. You only realize its value when you get to experience it – even if it is for a short time. Irony strikes and most skeptics are in a fix. They want to know, if by falling in love we tend to hurt ourselves, time and again, then why should we try at all? Is it really worth to find that special person and fall in love?Agreed it seems like a catch 22 situation, but then that’s exactly where the concept of trust kicks in. Until and unless, you do not allow yourself to be completely involved in a relationship, you could never do justice to the relationship, to the person and most importantly to yourself. It would be a simple waste of time and a total disrespect offered to the other person. In order to find out if there is a future to your relationship and to know if this time around this person is really ‘the’ one, then you have to simply get into the relationship and be completely committed. There are no other percentages involved except 100%. Yes, the pitfalls are a plenty and your precious heart gets hurt and we all know that broken heart is the toughest to mend. But if you have the trust to find that true love then you shall emerge as a better person, every time anything untoward happens and yes, eventually find the one.

Trusting the fact that you will find the right person, always works! I have numerous people whom I can cite as examples and you have yours truly to corroborate the same. Happen to read a post and felt that there are many out there who doubt the basis of forming the beautiful relationship and I feel they do not trust enough in themselves or have lost hope after a period, but then some are lucky the first time, some aren’t for the nth, yet I feel it is never the time to stop trusting in finding your special someone.

Have you ever loved a woman?

I am a romantic person at heart, an optimist but sometimes a cynic too. It was always my doubt if men related to what Bryan Adams sang in this song – “Have you ever loved a woman?”.

Two years and eight months since I have known him and there never was a moment when I doubted it again. There are some relations that sometimes end up taking a completely new definition in life that one can never imagine and this is definitely it.

I was listening to this song yesterday in the car and it just got me thinking…. and yes, I can surely say, he loves me 🙂

Is Sex Everything in a Relationship?

Recently, I happened to watch this movie called – The Mirror Has Two Faces: directed by Barbara Streisand and also, playing the lead with Jeff Bridges. The crux of the story revolves around two middle-aged people who have not been lucky with relationships in the past. Both are professors at Columbia University – the male, mathematics professor is described as ‘Attractive & Boring‘ where as the lady who is the literature professor is said to be ‘Unattractive & Witty‘. Thus with a paper ad starts their arranged courtship where both like each other’s company and their mutual respect and admiration grows with time.

It is interesting to note that the couple does get married with minimal inclination or want for a sexual life. Gregory has come to believe that sex has nothing to do with relationships and that was one of the primary reasons why his past relationships failed. Rose, married Gregory because she liked him. After all these years of rejection from various supposed loves, she felt that marrying someone she likes, even without love would be fine. Their life together is more like two roommates or friends living together. But human mind/heart wants more from life and Rose is no different – she wants more from her marriage. Frustration reigns supreme and when Gregory goes on a summer teaching trip, Rose tries one last ditch attempt to save her marriage. She decides to get into shape and by the time Gregory returns Rose is at her attractive best and tries to woo Gregory.

Consummate means to complete and I feel this word acquires an all new meaning when used with marriage. Personally, I feel that a life to be led without love is totally meaningless. I for one could never imagine committing myself to someone I had no love or respect or attraction. Yes, attraction is also very important. Compatibility comes from understanding each other better and knowing what your partner needs. But this want to know more about this one person, around whom your life revolves, can only come from love. Physical attraction, I feel helps a lot to make this bond even stronger.

Attraction may not be total and complete at the outset, just like Rose and Gregory’s case, but with time anything is possible. Consummating a marriage is nature’s way of making the lovely bond between a couple more meaningful. Sex is definitely not the only thing in a marriage or a relationship, but it helps a great deal in making one’s relationship a whole lot richer and worthy of your precious time to be spent on that one person. I would want to add that it is not just sex, but sense of touch and belonging is also a part of this game. So, what happened to Rose and Gregory, you might want to watch the movie, it’s not bad at all and very well dealt theme too. But, if you have read this post, am sure you can guess the ending by now.

So, if you are in a relationship, make the most of it – in all ways.

The World We Live In

It occurred seeing one of those typical ads that some of the rich men have pretty dumb, snobbish wives. There are three possibilities to this occurrence:

  1. That the men don’t want wives who can utilize their brain outside the kitchen/home/beauty care, etc,.
  2. The women become this way after getting married into affluent families or may be the nouveau riche
  3. These women were simply born this way and those poor rich men didn’t have a choice

Now let us look at each of the above possibilities a little closely. (Does this point by point analysis seem like something you’ve read in your days in school, well, years of study have ingrained this form of analysis, hence I request you to kindly put up with it)

Looking at the first possibility – That the men don’t want wives who can utilize their brain outside the kitchen/home/beauty care, etc,.

I think that this possibly helps men to work with freedom sans the intelligence of the wife, who is supposed to be important in his life. By marrying such a bimbette, the husband has to supply with the materialistic things to keep her happy. In short, he can then concentrate all his energies towards building his assets, which he is so good at.

Second – The women become this way after getting married into affluent families or may be the nouveau riche

The assumption remains that the women do not start out to be affluent, but happen to gain it by a matter of chance accompanied by complete ignorance as to how the wealth comes by. Their supreme worry or involvement remains in maintaining their ‘status’. This is done through the strutting of property and jewelry, in which ever measure. So by marrying into a family that apparently doesn’t care for money, it leaves these poor women with only one occupation as described above. The men in this case, have little choice, as they have forever seen women around them behaving in the similar – snobbish manner and their wives (as expected) follow the routine.

Coming to the nouveau riche, they understand that money is hard to come by, but the fact that they so desperately want to fit “in” to the elite or the affluent circles is so high that it once again drives them towards the main occupation of maintaining their status. The men here, may or may not be driven by this want of status and hence are a parti to the whole status game.

Third – These women were simply born this way and those poor rich men didn’t have a choice

We come to the third possibility, where the men just got married to women whose prime occupation has always been to maintain an extremely snobbish and repulsive ways of life. Assuming that their husbands are affluent enough to support their whims, they simply improve (oops, deteriorate) with age. Hence, the man has very less choice in order to maintain his peace, but to comply with all the materialistic demands.

It is alarming and amusing to watch people make a complete cake of their lives, just to satisfy the society or merely to fit in. What makes me wonder is that who is this Society that we so desperately want to please. No society ever comes for one’s rescue in times of need, then what is the use of confirming to these norms? My example above, simply touches a small strata of people, but when I think of people at large, there are “societal pressures” everywhere and many a times we are forced to comply. Many a times, I agree to these norms, not because I believe in some such stuff, but simply to avoid hurting my close ones. If a number of people of my generation find it comfortable to settle away from India, or are termed as brash for not confirming to the rules and regulations, then they want to live a care-free and no-frills attached life of their own and truly upon their own terms. To break these stereotypes, without altering the fabric of our culture, is close to impossible. But, trying to maintain a fine balance between the two is not easy, but possible and I am constantly working at it.