Well, it is a great feeling to be a mother and as I had mentioned in some of my previous posts the love is Unconditional. I see my daughter smile and it always makes up for the best experience I have ever had.
Suddenly, I realize that there was or is ‘me’, behind all the motherhood. After having lived mostly for myself for many years now, the change is not easy to take. It makes me wonder how my mother’s generation is so self-less. Was it something with their generation or just them, I really do not know. But I know for one that being a house-wife or a home-maker (whatever you call it!) is not an easy job. Added to that continuous baby sitting isn’t something I thought I was capable of till I took it up voluntarily.
I ranted with my girl friends who are in similar situations and they all concur when I reveal my feelings. I drove hubs mad and was on the brink of loosing it. Yes, I hit my abysmal low mood while staying at home and taking care of my daughter. The sense of being ignored or not recognised is so high. Post pregnancy, the body undergoes a lot of change and this hits one’s self-esteem too. There are extreme doubts about ever being able to get back to work. I think this comes from the fact that I have always worked and not being able to, places ridiculous doubts in one’s idle mind.
After enough of wallowing in self-pity and dejection, I got sick of it too ;). Yeah, I can’t take myself being so dull and down. I wanted a ‘me’ time and also sometime with my hubs – just us. It was time for some changes and something different. Well, I ended getting a very different cut that suits me and more importantly makes me feel good about myself. This change was so necessary for ‘me’.
And finally, after eight months of being at home and taking care of my little bundle of joy, I got the opportunity to get back to work. It was a seriously liberating feeling!
My nature of work as a behavioral skills trainer allows me to work part-time with just a few days in a month away from my baby and I am very happy with it. With support from my parents and hubs I am able to take up assignments and keep my morale high. The cherry on the cake was that my hubby’s work place was right beside and we ended up on a couple of lunch dates 🙂
This choice is not particularly easy, physically, but the ego boost and a sense of overall achievement is immense.